I’ve started taking pictures again.  I’d put down the camera for a while. There were many reasons for it – but one of them was that I felt I’d lost my way with my photography.  I entered a photography contest at the end of 2009 – and it left me feeling dirty. There was so much drama involved with it – rules that changed and rules that were bent by the organizers, a last minute addition of a public voting component, drama in the forums created for the contest.  And I didn’t like any of it – but I played the game and asked friends and family to vote for me, participated in the drama-ridden forums, and generally behaved like a good little contestant.  And WHY did I do this? Because, even thought it quickly felt dirty and contrived, I wanted to win all of their fabulous prizes. I pushed aside the negativity  I was feeling about the whole thing in an effort to win stuff. And this freaking contest was not even about photography! It was about who had the saddest story (or as they stated it – the most “inspirational” story). Entering your photographs was not even required, a video about you and why you deserved a “scholarship” was what was required. God, I’m an idiot.  I allowed myself to be a cute little puppet for someone else’s PR machine.  Freaking ridiculous.

Since the contest I’ve learned more about the “behind the scenes” stuff and felt even worse about the whole thing. And I read through the company’s website and that made me MAD. They are a company that purport to be about empowering women – and yet what I see from them is that they are infantalizing women. Girls can’t do math apparently (f-stops and ISOs are apparently beyond us), girls need to cry all of the time, girls need a therapist and life coach in order to make any and all decisions, and the only way for a mom to be a photographer is to be a family portraitist. Photojournalism, fine art photography, sports photography, travel photography – hell no. If you’re a mom and you have a camera you too can be a family portrait photographer also – just buy our videos, attend our workshops, and buy stuff from our sponsors. (Not that there’s anything wrong with family photography – I just think it’s odd it’s the only thing that’s pushed by this company and the way they push it.)

Anyway, selling out never feels good, and it caused me to take stock in what kind of photographer and person I want to be.  And I want to be true to myself, and my vision. I take pictures of things that move me. And hopefully they move other people also. Pointing my camera at something that doesn’t move me is not an option. There’s all kinds of photography out there and I’m not going to shoot something because someone else tells me it’s what I should be shooting.

So I’ve been slowly picking up my camera again.  Will and I went to the botanic gardens this past weekend and I took a lots of photos – the one above is my favorite.

It’s been quiet around this here blog and I’ll tell you the reason why – we’re moving – across the country – to Huntington, WV. I’m used to moving, I’m the master at moving, the clearing out, the massive yard sale, the selective selling of other things in other venues, packing, filling up the u-haul. I can move with one arm tied behind my back.
But, it’s what we’re leaving that is making it so hard to even say “moving” out loud. The friends who have become family, the best neighbors in the world, a school my son loves and thrives at, and The Wooden Cow – my baby – who’s only just a toddler still – still figuring things out there,and discovering it’s possibilities and it’s limitations.
An yet, the more I find out about Huntington, WV the more excited I become. This is a town that is working to remake itself, striving to become more that the railroad town it began as. Revitalization is it’s buzzword and I am looking forward to being a part of a community that is actively looking create a better version of itself. And the art community is small but active, and I hope to contribute as much as possible to it. I know the skills I’ve honed at The Cow will be useful in pushing Huntington’s artist community forward.

We’ve had a very arty day so far. Went to the Albuquerque Museum, it was Family Day so Katie and Will both made art and Will and I went on a special “kid’s tour” of their current exhibition. Then we went to the Open Space Visitor Center and checked out David Cramer’s exhibit of wild horse photography, and then we went to the Factory on Fifth for their art opening. I was cool to see some familiar names of people that show or have shown at The Cow, and some intense work by artists I’ve never seen before. Very inspiring.

At the Factory there was a tree decorated with lots of big silver balls, and I chose those for my second self-portrait of the year.

Taken on Christmas Eve in Old Town

We went to Old Town last night to see the luminaria there – it was a beautiful display! The whole neighborhood becomes bathed in a golden light. Merry Christmas, everyone!

My baby, about to be eaten by a shark!

Found a cool new party to join – it’s called Mosaic Monday and you can go here to see more mosaics! Mine are all from our visit to the “River of Lights” at the Botanic Gardens – our first time doing this and it will definitely be on our list for next year!!

To see in color is a delight for the eye but to see in black and white is a delight for the soul.

- Andri Cauldwell