So good ol’ Reverb wants me to let myself off the hook for something. Being such an imperfect person I have many things I have/need to let myself off the hook for. Never going back to school, leaving several men emotionally devastated, allowing myself to be in a emotionally draining relationship (not now – previously), not following through on friendships once I’ve moved away from an area (I move a lot), my laissez-faire relationship with my family. I have so much baggage it’s amazing that I am able to move forward at all. But I do, and I have let myself off the hook for a lot of those things and made my peace with the fact that I am not going to get it right sometimes, but that my many mistakes have led me to be a BETTER person. Recognizing your weaknesses is half the battle – the rest of that battle continues for a lifetime.
Instead of being weepy and woeful about my past I’ve decided to embrace the manic, moody, melodramatic girl that I was in my teens and twenties – to pat her on the shoulder and let her know her years of impetuous choices and continuous searching have eventually led her to a very good place. I’ve reached out to some of people I’ve really hurt and said I’m sorry – and accepted that whatever they chose to do with that apology is OK. And the manic, moody, slightly less melodramatic woman that I am is in a much more peaceful place.
And now I strive to make the world the best place I can – through art, through my church, and through my actions every day. My 20s were all about me – my early 30s were about my kids and “making it” as an artist. My late 30s have become about reaching out further into the world and try to make it a better place.
Be the change you want to see in the world . -Gandhi
In that vein I help out at a local healthy food pantry, I led my son’s Cub Scout pack this year, I lead a monthly meetup where we discuss healthier eating through adding more fruits and vegetables to our diets, I do a lot of work for my church – specifically in outreach and congregational vitality, I cook much more healthfully for my family, and I’m going on a mission trip to help build houses in New Orleans. And the more I’ve worked to be a “better person” the happier I’ve become. Who knew that choosing to “do good in the world” would actually make me a more content, less drama-ridden person. And I try to be a best friend, mom, wife, daughter, and sister possible. Speaking of that – I need to call my mom! Catch y’all later.
