Why, hello, little blog, it’s been a very long time. Apparently moving 1500 miles and completely turning my life upside-down is harder than I thought it would be.
I left with such high (unrealistic?) hopes. And upon finding myself in such a foreign land immediately fell apart and lay in bed for the better part of two months. And then slowly, I started exploring my new surroundings, meeting new people, learning about my new environment and my new position in life.
And I’ve changed a lot, and yet am still me – still the crazy, kooky, social butterfly (yet totally shy) moonchild I’ve always been. I’ve rediscovered passions that I’d placed on high shelves and totally forgotten about. Reconnected with my kids and husband. I’ve made new friends – actually I’ve made new family – people I already love.
And I’ve found God. This is huge. I’ve never believed in God – even growing up Catholic I remember being a kid and thinking the whole God thing made no sense. I couldn’t understand how my parents (so unfailingly logical) could believe the whole ridiculous thing. Things came to a head in high school when I refused to get confirmed and I quit going to church as soon as I turned 18.
The almost 20 years since then I’ve considered myself agnostic – acknowledging the possibility of a higher power but not personally believing. Before we moved I started looking at churches in Huntington (through Facebook!!). When I moved here I decided to check out the local UCC congregation – and – boom. Just like that. It came to me while I was there the very first Sunday – I just knew I was home – I knew I believed.
I’ve also gone from being the main breadwinner in my family to a SAHM. This has been both wonderful and soul-wracking. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in what I did for a living and the fact that I supported my family. I worked on average 70 hours a week between my day job and the gallery. And I loved it – I was bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan. I was Superwoman and could do it all. Little did I know about the things I was missing out on.
The first couple of month here I mourned the loss of my job, the loss of the gallery, the loss of “super”ness. Once I got over that I realized how much I’ve missed my children – particularly Katie – I’ve been working a crazy schedule most of her life – went back to work 2 weeks after she was born. So we take lots of walks, draw a lot, go to the library, cook together, joined Cub Scouts (I’m a den leader) and play. And it’s been lovely. I feel so connected to my babies – they are my light and my life and I’m so glad I’ve been given this gift of time with them.
And I’ve reconnected with my husband. We have two days a week where he’s off and the kids are both in school. And we have time that is all ours. We haven’t had this kind of time since before we had Will. Again – lovely.
I’m working now on opening my own gallery – and I know life will speed up again as that moves forward. But, I hope to strike a better balance than I had going before. And a better sense that I am “super” just the way I am and don’t have to prove it to the world by working a zillion h0urs a week and seeing how little sleep I can survive on.
Oh yeah, and I joined a gym (freaky) and enjoy the treadmill (freakier!) and have been cooking exclusively vegan for a month now. More on that stuff later.
Great to hear from you, especially so positive! I’m still a cynic about the whole God thing, but believe it or not I’m studying to become Catholic!
While I was never the bread winner, I didn’t get married until I was 33, so it was really weird for me not having a job outside the house. Being a SAHM is a lot of work, and we seem to get very little credit for it. It’s so great that you get to spend time with your kids now. In case no one has mentioned it today–nice job!
I look forward to hearing more about your successful vegan experiments!
Cheers,
Julie